It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
nutella sex= disaster
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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