At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Say something about gay babies.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
