ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
