Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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