so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
