went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
