He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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