so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
