Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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