It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
