Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
