I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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