I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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