20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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