She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
