Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
