if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
