I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
