Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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