you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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