Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize
