I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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