Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
