I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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