He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
