Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my being single is dangerous.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
