Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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