Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
