I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
