Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
