Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize