Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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