One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
