I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
