Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
