Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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