I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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