This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
