so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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