I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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