My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
