May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
