need another drink. this is the easiest way
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
