I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
