I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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