My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
