Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
