Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A+ Viking dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
