So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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