So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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