oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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