Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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