like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
