I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
