Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
