The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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