Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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