He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
