If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Im part way to drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
