She went from zero to smokin in five shots
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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