Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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