why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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