as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
