My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
