Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize