quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
