I feel like abortions should bother me more
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
