Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
