The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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