Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
