Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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