I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
