I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
