Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
