how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
