Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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