my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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