I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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