i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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