I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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